Malfoys and Potters Just Don't
by OHxiTSROYALTY
Summary: Draco Malfoy and Astoria Greengrass' cynical daughter, Elle, hates a lot of things in life. She hates James Sirius Potter. She hates his arrogant smirk, she hates the way he calls her "jizz-face", but most importantly she hates how she's falling for him.
1. New Endings

**I started this fanfic before Deathly Hallows and now that I'm revisiting and revising it, I don't seem to have it in me to make it **_**truly**_** canon. So if you don't like it, I am tres sorry. But not really. However, I have changed the big family bits. It's just the Malfoys that are kind of sketchy in regards to canon. I'm in love with this handful of characters that I created and shamelessly abandoned, which is why I have returned and polished this baby up! And hopefully I've made it into a more mature, nicer, more enjoyable read. Crossing the fingers on this one. Well, here we are: **_**Malfoy's and Potter's Just Don't 2.0!**_

Teenage Royalty: Everyone has their own perceptions of the over-privileged youth that wreak havoc throughout communities worldwide. With each party they throw, those bleak and desperate individuals clinging on the outside yearn for the flying chance that one day maybe, just maybe, they will be accepted by the elitists. For these are the young and the privileged that have connections seemingly everywhere, the people with the most luxurious, new clothing. The people who don't give a flying fuck what they do for there is seemingly no repercussions towards their actions; the very same people that rule the social structure that is Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

The music was blaring throughout the speakers making the entire room vibrate as if it were perpetually being shaken by millions of infinitesimal earthquakes erupting directly beneath the building. This was a civilized party by the group's standards by far, and this could only be attributed to the fact that there was a large number of paparazzi hovering throughout the party getting coverage for a special in the _Daily Prophet_ highlighting events such as Ministry Galas and excessive parties thrown in the name of 'philanthropy'. These paparazzi were both a blessing and a curse. With them, the youth in attendance's egos were inflated and the mindset they had adopted that they were important and loved was wholeheartedly reinforced. On the other hand, with these public documentations came the annoying fact that the use of illegal substances would have to be consumed conspicuously as oppose to out in the open as if it were no one's business. It was these paparazzi who were currently hounding the birthday boy, Ezra Krum, son of international quidditch superstar Viktor Krum.

Giselle Narcissa Malfoy glanced at the bumbling buffoon that was Ezra Krum as he tried to avoid a dodgy reporter who was desperately trying to understand Ezra's responses to redundant questions such as "Are you having a good time?" Elle smirked and turned back to the pulsating crowd regarding the jostling mass with contempt. It wasn't that she wasn't having a good time, Elle loved gatherings like this, they were the perfect opportunity to flaunt how wonderful she was without seeming ostentatiously conceited. The thing bothering her most was the very cause of celebration, Ezra.

Ezra and Elle had been an item ever since the beginning of summer when the two had met after a Bulgarian quidditch match. They had been introduced by Elle's older brother, who played professional quidditch as well, and just like that, the two had become inseparable. Elle had liked him enough in the beginning, which was surprising seeing as she tolerated so few people who weren't directly related to her. But, now that summer was ending, so was the flare that had ignited when the two first met. Elle was now noticing the most annoying of Ezra's habits, how she hated the fact he involuntarily flinched every time he shook hands with her father, how he wasn't the smartest person (she suspected he'd been hit by one too many bludgers), and most prominently how he failed to ignite the slightest bit of passion within her. He was just the sweet, attentive boyfriend that all normal seventeen year old girls craved for. In actuality, there were an extremely large number of seventeen year old girls who craved for Ezra Krum; he was inherently rich, lived in an exotic locale, good-looking, and talented to boot, a fact reinforced by his multi-galleon contract he had just signed with the Gorodok Gargoyles of Lithuania. But still, Elle was unhappy. And an unhappy Malfoy is nothing short of a ticking time bomb.

Shaking her head and cursing her painfully gorgeous new shoes Elle tromped gracefully to the bar thinking desperately of a polite and acceptable way to break up with Ezra.

"Elle-y?" Ezra tentatively waved his arm in front of her face.

"What?" she snapped disturbed from her reverie. "Oh, it's you. Well." She said huffing and exhaling sharply, "How's your party been?" It would be clear to most that Elle was obviously annoyed with something and did not wish to be bothered with; however, poor, dim-witted Ezra was oblivious to Elle's demeanor.

"Fine. Haven't seen much of you though." Ezra said licking his lips with a look of hunger in his glassy eyes. It appeared he had been smuggled firewhiskey or some other potent mix of alcohol because his words were slurring gloriously and he was always a bit more forward when drunk. Ezra sloppily grabbed at Elle's mug of Butterbeer sloshing it dangerously as he leaned in for a kiss.

"Ugh!" Elle exclaimed jumping out of harm's way. "Honestly Ezra, keep it in your pants." Elle said feeling extremely disgruntled at his drunken antics. "Now if you can dance with me without falling over yourself, I really do enjoy this song." Elle drawled, giving him a fiery look that plainly said "Do it or, it's over."

"I do not know Elle-y." Ezra started slowly, "Ev-er-y time I would like to touch you," to enforce his statement he touched Elle's arm faintly. She simply slapped him away, which was Ezra's cue to plow on, "Kees you in public, you act as if you are very ee-no-sent. I know for a fact that you are not. Now, I bee-leeve we were about to kees." He finished his declaration by puckering up and screwing his eyes shut. It was the type of thing one would find comical on a crappy muggle television show.

"Ha." Elle let out one single mirthless comment which could only be construed as actual laughter by a person who had never been introduced to sarcasm. And with that one word, Ezra knew he had said the wrong thing. "Ezra, darling" Elle began her thunderous monologue. "I think you have forgotten _who_ exactly I am," She said each of these words separately and carefully making them sound staccato and all the more menacing. Ezra stood stock still seemingly sobering up as Elle's tirade continued. "I am a princess," By this point, a small crowd of people had gathered around the couple, and to Elle's utmost dismay, there was an incessant snapping and clicking behind her which could only signal this was being heavily recorded. _But this needs to be done. You know that. _Elle thought, somewhat unsure of herself.

"One who should never be made upset, or disgruntled in any way, shape, or form." She punctuated each of these words with a dangerous step closer towards the stumbling idiot before her. "Do you honestly think that you are good enough for me? Well, isn't that silly?" Her words were like venom in his ears, she could visibly tell that he was upset but it was as if she couldn't stop herself, the malicious words kept spewing from her like one of those geysers she had seen on her family's trip to New Zealand, she was uncontrollable at this point. "No, no Ezra." She said lightly, as if she were talking to a child that was misbehaving adorably. "You see it takes much more than a pretty accent and a nice contract to win me over. Ezra, darling, what I'm trying to say is: it's over." Immediately she plastered a bored look upon her face as she scrutinized the boy who was clearly in shock and pain.

"But…but ve vere so happy…End it? I…I do not know what you mean by this." Ezra stuttered, desperately he glanced around only to look even more disheartened and downtrodden as he realized most of the attendants of the party were gathered around the two of them varying in demeanors of disgust and glee.

"Don't kid yourself sweetheart, I need a real man." And with that Elle Malfoy made her impromptu and quite abrupt departure, and that was that. Walking past Ezra and giving him a cool glance she ignored the pitiful final response of Ezra Krum, "But, it is my birthday."

* * *

"Do you see this crap?" James Potter asked his favorite cousin Fred Weasley, with absolute disgust in his voice as he sat reading the newspaper while idly popping grapes into his mouth carelessly.

"What?" Fred asked from within the kitchen cupboard as he rummaged about for something edible. "Bingo! Grams chocolate chip cookies. You didn't tell me you had any." He said feeling just a twinge of actual annoyance.

"Does that matter? No. Now listen to this." James said as Fred plopped himself down across from James who was propped up on the kitchen island with the latest _Daily Prophet _flipped to the '_Promising Parties'_ section. Upon settling himself onto one of the cushioned bar stools and munching greedily into one of his prized cookies, Fred nodded his assent for James to begin. James cleared his throat imperiously and read aloud, "'Giselle Malfoy, seventeen, a stunning, lovely young lady, and daughter to businessman Draco Malfoy, decided to publicly call it quits with her latest love interest, Ezra Krum, the up and coming quidditch sensation. 'I think she's bloody mental, he's bloody gorgeous, rich, and a chaser for Lithuania!' a fellow Hogwarts student had to say on the issue. The brutal break-up happened this past weekend at Krum's extravagant eighteenth birthday bash at his family's summer home in St. Tropez. For more on this scandalous story continue on to page 7.' Honestly, there's even a picture of the cow and him having a go at it. We're seventeen for Merlin's sake what the hell do people care?" James angrily spat out, throwing the paper down next to him.

"Hey, watch the language." Harry Potter scolded half-heartedly as he sauntered into the kitchen. James ignored his father and sent another annoyed glance down at the paper set next to him. "Now what is it you're raging on about?" Harry asked absentmindedly reaching into the fridge for the pitcher of pumpkin juice.

"Malfoy." The two cousins said in unison.

"Ew," Harry said scrunching up his face in disgust. "Let's have a look then. Malfoy…call quits…Ezra Krum. Oh who cares, honestly?"

"That's what I said!" James exclaimed, knowing full well how his father hated the utter ridiculousness that was the wizarding press association.

"That's what you said about what, pumpkin?" A girly, floaty voice sounded through the kitchen doorway. All three men turned to see the stunning beauty that was Camilla Hanes. She was short and petite in stature which made the sex appeal she oozed even more overwhelming. Her dark lidded eyes were pools of chocolate ecstasy, which blended so well with her mocha colored skin. Her dark brown hair was pulled back loosely with a few tendrils framing her heart shaped face. She was most definitely breathtaking.

"Cammie!" James jumped down from the island to greet Cammie graciously with a kiss and embrace. Fred glanced sideways to his uncle pulling a disgusted face which was met with a snicker causing the two lovebirds to break apart slowly.

"Ugh, cowbag," Cammie motioned to the paper still on the island where a furious Elle Malfoy looked fit to kill as she stormed past Ezra Krum repeatedly. "I take it you've read the _Prophet_ then?" Cammie asked disgust tinged heavily into her voice. It was common knowledge to every current student of Hogwarts that James Potter and Elle Malfoy could not stand each other in even the slightest of situations, and as James' dutiful, mindless girlfriend of the month, Camilla took on the same hateful attitude to the Malfoy heiress.

"Unfortunately." Not wanting to discuss the thorn in his backside that was Elle Malfoy, James swiftly changed the topic of conversation. "So, what do you want to do today? Have you eaten lunch yet?" James questioned sweetly, buttering Cammie up so that he could get away with ditching her if need be once they were out. James could hardly be tied down to one girl at all hours of the day, and especially during the summer when there were plenty of lonely, beautiful witches running rampant throughout the country.

"No. Want to take me out?" Cammie replied sweetly batting her eyelashes balefully towards the messy haired boy in front of her.

"Of course."

"What about me?" Fred cried out spewing cookie crumbs throughout the air. He had remained silent throughout the disgustingly sweet exchange between the two people in front of him trying to ignore them by doing bits of the crossword from the paper James had discarded earlier. But now, with the prospect of being abandoned for the entire summer afternoon Fred needed to pipe up and make sure this was not actually happening. The whole 'James having an actual "girlfriend"' business was always tiresome and trying, especially during the lazy summer months.

"Who cares?" James asked playfully shooing Fred to the fireplace. "Bye Freddie, see you tomorrow morning."

"You'll be lucky if I show." Fred grumbled as the flames engulfed him and he was flooed back home.

"Now, what was this about lunch?" James asked with a smirk on his face.

"I believe, you were about to escort me to a lovely meal, out on the town Mr. Potter."

"Oh, was I?"

"Mhhm." Cammie murmured and kissed him on the nose. She then stepped into the fireplace and shouted "Diagon Alley" James following her swiftly.


	2. Hate

I, Giselle Narcissa Malfoy, hate many things in my life.

For starters I hate my name; Giselle. When I was younger I hated it because it wasn't as fancy or as pretty as 'Adonis' or 'Scorpius', and in fifth year I started hating it even more because James Potter decided "Jizz-face Giselle" was the funniest nickname in the entire world and every time since that day he coined the nickname I involuntarily think of ejaculation every time someone calls me 'Giselle'. Which is precisely why I throw an absolute fit when any one refers to me by my given name, I much prefer 'Elle', or for the select few i.e. Dad or my favorite brother, Adie, 'G'. I blame my mother for my horrible name, but then again I blame my mother for a lot of things ever since she left us. Every time I voice this opinion to Dad he just ruffles my hair and reminds me that I was named after one of the stars in Scorpius' constellation because the two of us would always be destined for greatness when we worked together. At which point, I always remind him that, that couldn't possibly be true seeing as both me and Scorpius were accidents and we're probably just destined for disappointment. Dad says we weren't accidents, just merely unexpected. I see right through him and his euphemisms.

I hate how people have mixed feelings about my dad and how people never know how to regard him. Yes, I understand he was a Death Eater back in the day, but come on! That was like twenty years ago, and if you stop and think about the circumstances he was in back then, he really can't be faulted. My crazy grandfather with his bigamist ideals, that he truly believed, which he had taught to my dad since his birth, and by forcing the whole Death Eater business upon him to "uphold the family honor" bullshit; and if you stop and think about it my dad was pretty much sold into the Death Eaters. I was never shielded of my dad's past. He told each of us when we were little of how ashamed he was and that what he did was terrible and he should have been locked up for them. Which makes me appreciate my dad; he's not like Grandfather who revels in how he "got off so easily." I'm pretty sure my dad wanted to be sentenced, if only to show the world he was truly repentant. Dad also told us that a lot of people would try and take out their anger towards Voldemort and the Death Eaters on us because he played such a significant role in the Second War. But he always made sure that we were never personally attacked for it. I laugh at people who tell me my dad is a terrible, ruthless man and he probably raised us to be just as evil as him. Take a look at any of us kids and tell me that my dad is evil. Near impossible. _And_, that's only because I'm what some might call a "bitch."

Despite how much I love my dad, I hate how messed up my stupid family, as a whole, is. My crazy, senile grandfather, who wrote a very angry three foot letter detailing to me all of the pain and disgrace I have brought upon the Malfoy name through my "publicly humiliating actions" last week after my lovely _Prophet_ hit stands. Yea, like you haven't done that already for all of us Grandfather. Dad doesn't get on too well with Grandfather; ever since he got away without a sentence after the second war he hasn't felt the need to actually repent, whereas, Dad most definitely has. But, where I mutely ignore Grandfather and all of his antics, Dad puts up with him because they've been through "true horrors" together. I've been through horrors with Scorpius but that doesn't mean I put up with him, he's an annoying idiot. Scorpius is my younger brother by three years and an absolute freak. The only times we get along are when we're bonding over shared hatred for the same thing, for example, James Potter. I hate James because he's an annoying spaz whose sole existence is to make my life unbearable. Scorpius hates James because James hates him. Sometimes I can't say I blame Potter. On the other hand, my older brother, Adonis, is probably the coolest person on the entire face of the Earth. He's nice and charming, and everybody loves him because he's so wonderful. Adie graduated three years ago and now plays quidditch for Puddlemere United as one of their starting Chasers; he's kind of a big deal.

I hate Astoria Greengrass. I reluctantly call her my mother solely because she gave birth to me. She left us when I was eight and I have subsequently hated her ever since.

I hate it when Scorpius invites Albus Potter over to our house during summer holidays. Fate decided to mock Dad and Mr. Potter when Albus got sorted into Slytherin and Scorpius was the first person to break the deafening silence that had permeated the Great hall after the shocking sorting of Albus into Slytherin, by standing on his chair and leading the entire school in a round of applause. They've been attached at the hip ever since and while they are individually two of the most annoying people I have ever met, when together, I am driven to the point of pure insanity where I literally would like to kill small animals.

Al arrived two nights ago and ever since then they have been running throughout the manor screaming and laughing like they're first years again. For all Dad cares, as long as they don't set anything on fire they can do whatever the hell they want. Which is total bull shit, because I got yelled at the other day because I accidentally turned Scorpius orange.

Something slams against my door and I have no doubt in my mind that it's the two idiots up to no good. Retreating from my room to yell at them I'm quickly hit in the face with what looks like a dead ferret on a string that smells like shit, gasoline, and throw up.

"SCORPIUS!" I scream at the top of my lungs as I hear the two freaks giggling away.

"I HATE YOU!"

* * *

Being James Potter means I don't hate much about my life. If I were to sit back and look at it from afar, I'd come to the conclusion that my life is actually pretty fucking awesome. So the things that I do hate come down to two things.

One, I hate ugly people. I know that sounds "just awful" as people have told me whenever I make my opinion for the genetically challenged known, and if my mum ever heard me saying that out loud she'd have my hide for it. But it's true. Ugly people are really just eyesores on us all and I firmly believe that they should be eradicated. Yes, eradicated, I'm not as dumb as most would like to believe. I'm talking to you Jizzy. I just don't like having to look at them.

Second of all, I hate being alone. It probably has to do with the fact that my family is literally too large to count without getting confused, and I have never had to be alone for anything ever. But whatever. It's not a big deal. There's always been someone older than me to take care of me when I need it and there's always been someone smaller than me to pick on when I'm bored, it's the perfect set up. It's probably because I don't like being alone or whatever, but since the tender age of thirteen I, The Great James Potter has made damn sure there has been a continuous stream of girls throwing themselves at my feet. Call me arrogant, but the girls love me. And I love them.

So much so, that I am currently in Madame Malkin's and not even throwing a fit about it. Cammie's looking through the racks of robes and I'm about 97% positive she wants me to buy her something judging from the way she keeps throwing glances from things in her hands to me. Hate to break it to you sweetie, but that will not be happening. I'm growing quite bored of her presence and know just what to do to rid myself of her when the door to Madame Malkin's is thrown open ceremoniously and distracts me.

"That's what I said! Did I not tell you that you would have to watch out for Donovan because all he does is cob? I specifically told you as soon as you told me you were playing Montrose that Tate only plays him because he has pointy elbows." This statement is uttered by none other than a girl's voice, which is probably the sexiest thing in the world: a girl truly knowing how quidditch works. However, my woody is shot straight down when I look up and see none other than the thorn in my back side, Giselle "Jizz Face" Malfoy, striding throughout the shop like she owns the place with her older brother in tow.

I'm utterly torn when I see the two of them. I cannot stand any of the Malfoys, save for Adonis, he was always the absolute coolest guy in school he went through everything like prefect, quidditch captain, and head boy without being a Malfoy or a douche. Which are kind of synonymous when you stop and think about it. And now that he's out of school he's off playing professional quidditch, he's a genius in the air and everybody is talking about him. I may or may not have a man crush on him. But I'll deny that until the day that I die. So, on the one hand I would love to go up and talk to him, maybe get an autograph, you know the normal things you do when it comes to your little brother's best friend's quidditch superstar brother. I do not however, want to interact with SheMalfoy even in the smallest capacity. I've made up my mind. We're just going to leave.

"Come on Cam, we're going." I say trying to not draw attention towards either of us.

"Wait, I think I want to try this on. Wouldn't I look like, super sexy in this color Jamie Poo?" Oh god. I cannot be dealing with this right now. We're bringing out the big guns here.

"No. It actually would end up making you look fatter than the color you have on already does so put that back on the rack and wipe that gob smacked look off your face, because we're leaving." It works. Cammie silently puts the robes she'd been throwing in my face and dejectedly starts to follow me out the shop. We pass by the Malfoys and I keep my head turned away from them hoping to not get noticed.

"Isn't that James Potter?" I hear Adonis ask Malfoy under his breath. I can feel her gaze on me but keep my eyes on the door.

"Stop, he is not with that troll Camilla Hanes. I mean, I knew he didn't have standards, but really?" I feel like she's made no effort in keeping her voice any kind of low and I can tell Cammie has heard because she utters some pitiful noise from behind me. And to think, I just wanted a nice day out in London. Casually I look over my shoulder and feign excitement when I lay eyes on Malfoy.

"Ah, Jizzy! How have I gone this entire summer without seeing that lovely fake blonde head of yours?" I ask loudly. She looks up at me with a look of contempt and hatred. It's truly a beautiful sight seeing someone so awful look at me like that.

She stays where she is and quite tamely only makes the snide remark of, "Nice house shoes Potter, I was under the impression your family had finally got out of living in squalor, but I guess not all can be right in the world for you people." Her brother gives her a reproachful look which she ignores quite skillfully.

"Oh that's right, I heard you're finally done sleeping with Krum. Bet you had to dress up so you could pick up another ugly, rich guy to put up with you."And with that, I bid you adieu Jizz Face.

* * *

**If you haven't seen on my profile, I have a tumblr that I put up the outfits I envision the characters in in key scenes throughout the fic just for an extra funsie. Check them out here and enter the password 'mpjd' to get into the site: mpjdoutfits. tumblr. com**


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